Reader Demands Straight Answer

Conversations with readers:

"Dear Mr. Byrne: You are such a sexist, stupidly conceited pig,you obviously think having b - is the same as having guts, becausethat would be your only claim to having guts. If you had any guts,you'd stop beating around the bush like a pansy and say what youreally think. Is the Church right or wrong when it says women mustsubmit to their husband's authority? Is it sinful to disobey him?How about a straight answer, you moral weakling. No fan of yours,"

Pat McCartney (No return address)

As I always do in matters relating to spousal authority, Iturned your letter over to my wife, Barb, for directions on how toreply. She wants to know if you're the Pat who is on Saturday NightLive.

A half-dozen calls and a letter arrived, all saying essentiallythe same thing: Byrne, you bonehead, Larry Demery, one of the guyscharged with killing James Jordan, isn't white, as you said; he's aNative American of the Lumbee tribe. You should know better.

My mistake, I apologize. But if Demery is of the Lumbee tribe,things are more complex than my angry correspondents would haveeveryone believe. Most historians agree that Lumbees are a mixtureof peoples - white, black and Native American. The Encyclopedia ofNative American Tribes says the Lumbees may have descended from thelost Roanoke colonists, who were white, and Algonquian-speakingIndians who lived along Cape Hatteras in North Carolina.

None of this, of course, invalidates my point that we shouldn'tjump to the conclusion that Jordan's death was the consequence ofsome white, racist plot. And all of this demonstrates anew thedangers of making too much of someone's race. Maybe somedaysomeone's race won't matter. But then what would those who've made acareer of stirring up racial animosities do for a living?

"Dear Dennis: As I reclined in a comfortable lawn chair, I beganreading your reflective prose about the need of lawns to completeman's manifest destiny. Suddenly there it was again, Byrne whiningabout city homeowners who have unmetered water. Dennis, you wouldnot believe how fast our organization, `Friends of Open LiberatedWater' (FLOW), reacted to your sinister tactics. We immediatelycalled a BYRNE ALERT, and everyone turned on all of their hoses forthe entire evening. Unfortunately, that evening witnessed a colossaldeluge in our neighborhood. This, combined with the hoses going fullblast precipitated (pun intended) all of our homes to be washed intoneighboring Evanston. Consequently, we no longer have unmeteredwater."

Sincerely, Bill Haig, chairman

Every time I write about this subject, I look forward toreceiving another witty letter from you defending the right ofChicagoans whose water use isn't metered to mooch off everyone else.Because my water is metered, my celebration of the arrival of yourletters has to be much more modest than your BYRNE ALERTS. I justflush twice.

"Life - What a beautiful choice" - Unsigned note that came withthe clippings "Parents Sought in Nabbing at Shelter," "Mother Fit forTrial in Hanging Death," "Mom Charged in Death."

I was wondering how long it would be until I got the first nastyletter about the pro-life TV commercials that close with the line,"Life: What a beautiful choice." If abortion is simply an issue of"choice," who could object to a commercial that simply tries topersuade, and not legislate?

Apparently those who believe that life is an awful choice - forsomeone else. It must be wonderful and great to be smart enough toknow in advance who is deserving enough to be allowed into thisworld, and who, for his own sake, should be kept out.

Dennis Byrne is a member of the Chicago Sun-Times editorialboard.